Weep Not for the Memories
by TheGirlInTheMentalHospital
Summary: A young girl who loved the Yu-Gi-Oh show, cards, and characters finds herself grown up and weeps for the memories. Only to be comforted by her favorite character who holds her in his embrace. -To any Yu-Gi-Oh fan hit with nostalgia and always dreamed of meeting their favorite character from the show-


**For any Yu-Gi-Oh fan who grew up loving the show and the characters and has ever made mistakes in their life and wishes to be held by someone they love. To be forgiven and told that they are loved by a character they love with all of their hearts and soul. **

* * *

**Weep Not for the Memories**

I remember…

A time when I woke up at some ungodly hour of the morning, excited and happy, running to the nearest T.V. available in the home and turning it on. Flipping through channels, terribly giddy and worried that I'll miss it, until, finally, landing on Channel 11, I waited in tense anticipation as the announcer calls on the next kids show coming up. Then, waiting with rapt attention, there came the familiar Egyptian melody ringing in my ears and I grin, watching the opening sequence where monsters appear out of cards, the characters pass by, the singer singing a confusing line where I always thought he was saying 'Yamu' when really, he was saying 'Your Move' (years later, I would smack myself in the forehead for my mistake) but once the ending came where the main protanigist raises his hand holding a card, multiple monsters he played appearing all around him and then the title comes on.

I remember being so excited and watching this show religiously, collecting as many cards as I could and treating them with care, taking the words from the show to heart. I remember loving all of the characters, Joey, Tea, Tristan, Yami Bakura, Bakura, Mokuba, Kaiba, Mai, Pegasus, Yugi, everyone!

And Yami!

Especially Yami….

He was the one I paid the most attention to, smiling dreamily when he would appear on screen, that confident smile on his sharp facial features, narrowed eyes full of pride yet a playfulness that not many would see, and his voice…

God his voice was sexy!

I didn't really realize it but I had a crush on Yami since the first time I saw him, heard his voice, and watched him duel. How he interacted with others, held himself in an regal way, his gentle mannerisms towards those he cares for, and how he wishes to know who his once was in a past life.

I've always loved Yami, not romantically or anything but in an adoring way. I adored him. Just as much as I adore this show and these characters within it, however, Yami would always be special. I perhaps saw him more as a big brother figure or a father figure from how mature and grown up his sounded. I always giggled when the series progressed and he began to loosen up a bit, showing a bit of a humorous side and making me smile broadly when he and Yugi shared a 'moment' together.

It just makes me sad when I wasn't able to watch the whole series fully and missed a great majority of episodes of the series. The TV stations have not been kind to me in their re-schedulings of the show. I remember always being downcast and mopy when missing yet another episode, wanting to see how far Yami has progressed, how Yugi is growing up, how the others have changed, what the story is now. I only managed to catch the last part to the last episode, where Yugi says goodbye to Yami as he goes into the Afterlife, to be with his loved ones once again, leaving the friends he made behind to live their lives to the fullest.

I wanted to cry but I held it in, happy that Yami finally knows who he is as Pharaoh Atem and will finally be at rest after spending 5,000 years locked away in the millenium puzzle. Yet I am sad that I would have to say goodbye to him. I can only imagine how Yugi must feel to say farewell to his 'partner' and see him for one last time.

I felt sad.

It did not help that a great majority of my cards were taken away by the playground officers at the school nor how nervous and shy I was to ask for them back, feeling ashamed when I shouldn't be. Thinking that I did something wrong and would get in deep trouble with my mom. My mom who would tell me years later that I had nothing to be ashamed of and that she would've marched down there and demanded my cards back because she knew how special they were to me, that and how much money she spent on them.

During all that time, I kept on thinking how unfair it all was, how angry and stupid I felt for losing my cards.

They were my cards! They had no right to take them away! They were special to me! But being the coward that I am, I kept my mouth shut and regretted it for years to come, wishing I had the courage I do now to demand my cards back. It did not help that I have only one card left from my past, a weak monster water type card, Lightning Conger. A three star massive electric eel with only 350 attack points and 750 defense points.

And yet, it's very special to me.

Very special…

This card is a link to my past and even though it is weak and was not one of my favorite cards, I put my heart into this card and remember all those fond memories I had. When I look at this card, I kiss it and hold it close to my chest, letting the tears flow freely down my face as I cry.

Cry for everything.

Cried for the time I lost my naïve innocence at mind when a boy I thought was my friend showed me 'Hentai' and corrupted my mind, twisting my way of thinking and how I looked at my special characters differently since then.

Cried for when I first uttered a curse word in the bathroom, struggling to say 'Damn' and comically being embarrassed for saying it.

Cried for not understanding what the Hell those characters were doing on the 'Hentai' stuff and not able to look away, curiosity and a desire to see more compelling me to search up stuff that would lead me to a site known as 'Naruto yaoi', Naruto being the new cartoon series everyone was raving about and I myself got into. And to my utter shame, showing this site to another and causing a rift between my friend's mother and her step-father, my friend having to move away with her mother to start a new and be away from the step-father, all because I showed that stupid site to her step-brother, not understanding anything and feeling stupid and ashamed for what I've done.

Thinking to myself as I crawled into a dark corner and curled up, pathetically rocking myself back forth as my ten-year-old mind scolded me 'What would Yami think of you, seeing you now?' and I sobbed, thinking lowly of myself and how disgusting I have become.

I cried for the friendships I've lost, for the two games stolen away from me by my new 'friend' and how he changed my other old friends to be more like him. To be a tainted child saying all sorts of vulgar and vile things, corrupting my mind more with each passing day, moving onto Middle School where Hell awaited me with open arms. Probably the worst years of my life came form that damn School, more so with my old friends thinking me a stupid girl they no longer have the time for and that boy who is supposedly my 'friend' and neighbor finally moving away, far away from me so I may heal and get out of his sick entrapment of mind at last. I transferred to another school, a private school, when all the sexual harassment became too much, all the hurt that I suffered began to suffocate me, and I cried to my mother in full out sobs about a boy who wrapped his arms around me, calling himself my 'boyfriend' in a mocking tone and I immediately felt dirty right then and there. My mother brought me to the Private Christian School just a 15 minute walk away from our house and I was closer to God in that Private Christian School. I felt myself healing at last.

I had forgotten about Yu-Gi-Oh for a time. Whenever my eyes would land on a card, they would merely glance and then move onto the next item, my mind trying to forget all those horrid memories for as long as possible. But when I got to High School after spending two years in Private school and at last finally healed in mind, body, and soul, I finally faced the five Yu-Gi-Oh cards I had left. Four of them were of the newer kind, the GX versions I thought were rather nice but did not hold special to me as much as the fifth card did. The weak, three star monster card…

Lightning Conger…

My special card…

I got back to watching Yu-Gi-Oh again, the old original version because I have no love for the newer ones, only the ones where Yami and Yugi share a body and go on an adventure to save the world and close the Shadow Realm for good.

A hard hit of Nostalgia took me when I saw the old opening and immediately, all those good and happy memories came. All those times I laugh in delight watching this and how I loved it with all my heart. Granted there were others shows I loved as well but Yu-Gi-Oh was special, and it would remain to be forever in my heart, always…

And I realized something…

Something I've wanted to do ever since I got back on Yu-Gi-Oh.

But I can't do it because it's completely impossible to do.

Which finds me here, in my room, on the floor on my side, crying with all my heart as I hold the card close to my chest, not caring if the floor is uncomfortable or that the computer screen is showing an episode of Yu-Gi-Oh. I just shut my eyes and curled up, muttering nonsense under shaky breathes. My vision is blurred and I did not pay any attention to my surroundings, lost in the pool of memories swimming in my mind. A terrible ache inside of me missing something, something very important me…or perhaps someone…

I did not notice the computer screen glowing more brightly, the shadows in the room seeming to grow darker, the only light coming from the computer that seems to be acting strangely. A soft, humming sound coming from it as a shadowy form appeared, eyes glowing as a third eye on the forehead glowed brightly in golden light. The shadows encircled the computer, the glow from the computer dimming until there was a blank screen. The shadowy form the appeared again, coming out of the computer screen and landed on the floor several steps away from the curled form of the teenage girl. The shadows receding to reveal a familiar person there, staring down at the pathetic girl lying on her side, crying, dark violet eyes watching the girl for a few second before the figure took a few steps forward and knelt down on one knee, reaching out and placing a pale hand on the brunette. Petting the head of brown hair for a few moments before going down and shaking her shoulder, bringing her attention to the fact someone was in her room and the hand on her shoulder felt nothing like her mother's. This hand felt strong yet gentle at the same time with a warm tenderness that made her feel safe and secure. Snapping her teary eyes open, she stared into the dark violet eyes of the young man in front of her, eyes widening in shock and surprise.

There came a shuddering halt in reality then, a heavy silence befalling the two as they continued to stare at each other. Then, a warm smile came from the other as he pulled a stray strand on hair away from her face, wiping the tears away from her eyes.

"Why are you crying…?"

The deep, soft voice she'd recognize anywhere came from the man's lips, asking her a question she had multiple answers to. The loss of innocence, the shame of her stupidity, the manipulation, the horrible things she's done, and the hurt she felt for a long time after losing her cards.

However, none of that was voiced, none at all, for she sat up and continued to stare at him, not believing what she was seeing. Reaching out, she brushed her hand on the man's smooth pale cheek and flinched at the contact, recoiling as stark disbelief came upon her features as she continued staring into his dark violet eyes full of warmth and love. Fresh new tears blurred her vision as the hand returned to her shoulder and squeezed in a gentle, reassuring grip. Blinking, the girl stared down at the card in her hand, holding back a sob when the hand left her shoulder only to be joined by the other in holding her own hands, clasping them together, the card securely undamaged between the intertwined fingers. A choked sound came from her throat at the sight and looking up, saw the warm, gentle smile on the sharp features of the man's face, golden bangs hanging on either side of his cheeks.

"Don't be sad…be happy…that you have the memories…..all those happy times you had…with the show, the cards, with everyone…with me." The deep voice said reassuring at her. The man reaching up to wipe her tears away again. Their gazes locked on each other before suddenly, she flung her arms around him and sobbed, hugging him tightly and close as the tears spilled from her eyes.

"I'm sorry Yami….I'm so sorry….! I'm sorry, I'm sorry…!" she choked out, crying as strong arms wrapped around her, holding her close.

This was something she wanted to do for a long time….

She wanted to apologize to Yami for everything. Everything she regretted doing. He was her special character, her special person. He was not God, he was not Jesus, he was not even an Angel…

He was Yami….

Her special person….

Sniffling, the girl buried her face in his shoulder, feeling his hands coming up to rub her back in soothing circles. Whispering softly warm words, letting the girl cry until she could cry no more, holding her close, embracing her tightly and securely with a comforting warmth that calmed her despairing heart and soothed the human soul wishing to have this moment last forever.

"It's okay…it's okay…I forgive you…I always will…" he whispered, smiling. "You shouldn't have to be ashamed…it's not your fault…it's part of growing up. I know it hurts. You've been hurting for a long time. It's okay though. Everything's alright now…." He rocked her back and forth, listening to her slowly quiet down. After a few hiccups and deep, heavy breathes, she snuggled closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry Yami….I'm so sorry…" she croaked out, hearing him shush her gently.

"It's alright…I know…I know…" he said, continuing to rock her.

A whimper came and she buried her face in his shoulder, feeling tired and spent. Conscious of her weight, the girl eased herself away slowly so as to not burden the man from her heavy body but he held her tightly, not willing to let her go. Instead, he chuckled, protectively hugging her.

"I know how you feel little one…and I understand…."

Finally, after what seemed like hours, he pulled away a little and looked down at her, seeing her red puffy eyes, tear stains on her flushed cheeks, and pink, stuffy nose. Not at all put off by her appearance, he stroked her head and held her close, sitting down on the floor and leaning against the bed. Staring off into the distance, he held the teenager he knew since she was but a little girl, seeing her delight and adoration from beyond the screen. He knew all of the fans that grew up with the show he and the others were born in, how they adored it, how they loved them all with all of their hearts.

He and the other characters watched the young ones grow, facing the challenges of life, the friends they made, the ones they lost, and the things they learned. But they also saw the hurt and pain they've suffered, the struggles they had, the anger and frustration they felt. It saddened him to see the little girl hurting for so long at the hands of others, to see her cry without any comfort from him, longing to just hold her and tell her everything would be alright. That he is right here and would always will be. As he would be for the boy who sits in his room, staring at old cards and contemplate ending his life from all the bullying and taunts aimed at him, the other girl who suffers from an eating disorder and depression because she thinks she's fat and no longers glances at her old videos of the Yu-Gi-Oh cartoon, fearing scorn and ridicule from her peers for her love of it. There are many other children who are hurting, wishing to be comforted by someone who understands them, someone who cares. Unaware of the characters that has watched them ever since they themselves watch their shows and wishes to be there for them, to be able to wipe away their tears and give a shoulder to cry on. To kiss their hurt away and take them away to a better world, a happier place than where they are right now.

Yami felt that the children who watched the show were his, his to take care of, his to comfort, his to love.

And though he may not be able to be there for every single one of them, much to his disappointment, he does what he can for those he is able to do something about their lives simply by showing them his compassion and love for them.

The girl in his arms he's known since her childhood, the girl who had a crush on him, the girl who saw him as someone special, the girl who seeks sulfur and forgiveness from him, the girl loves him and wants her love to be returned just as much. And he is willing to give her just that.

A pull calls to him from his soul and he smiles bitter sweetly, knowing that there isn't much time left before he has to leave to his own world once again, having to leave his little girl behind to go comfort his little boy and his other children as well, because he loves them all. Loves them all with all of his heart.

"I have to go now…" he says softly, feeling her stiffen in his grasp. He feels wetness on his chest and he knows she's crying again.

"Do you have to go so soon….?" She asks, burying herself in his warmth.

"I'm afraid so…I'm sorry…" he replied, feeling her squirm in his arms.

"No. You shouldn't be…I shouldn't be so selfish…wanting you to stay…" she whispers. Pulling away from him, the teen smiled at the Pharaoh. "There are others who need you too…right?"

The Pharaoh smiled back, letting her go and hold her hand, squeezing it.

"I'm sorry I have to go…but know this…I love you my child…" he said.

"I love you too Yami…" she replied, knowing it was a kind of special love that is not at all romantic in the sense. No, this is a love deeper than that, a love between a child and her special person, her precious one. Her loved one.

It was Love, pure and simple Love.

Hugging each other one last time, Yami pulls away a little and kisses her forehead, earning a light blush and a few more tears from the girl as she moves back. Standing up with Yami and facing him, she watches the shadows begin to come forth and pull the Pharaoh into the darkness, taking him away from the girl who loves him. Taking him to another who is in need of his loving embrace.

"Remember me…Remember and don't ever forget how much I love you…and weep not for the memories…my little girl…" Yami said.

A nod came from her, holding back tears from her watery eyes as she waved goodbye to her special person, sniffling more at the thumbs up he gave her. His own eyes holding sadness in them as they too began to water, having shared a sweet moment in finally able to meet his little girl and hold her tight. He only wishes he could've stayed longer at least. But that's how he feels with everything single of one of his children.

"I love you!" she yelled before he disappeared from her sight, the shadows receding from view, the darkness lightening up as the room revealed itself to be empty save for herself and the computer continuing to show the Yu-Gi-Oh episode form where it left off. Feeling a few stray tears falling, she cursed her weakness and wiped them away, bowing her head and stared at the card in her hand still, whispering softly as she held it close again.

"I love you…"

I love you Yami…

* * *

"_I will remember you_

_Will your remember me?_

_Don't let your life_

_Pass you by_

_Weep not for the memories_

_Weep not for the memories…"_

**~I Will Remember You **by _Sara McLachlan_


End file.
